Since dad has moved back home now, I get to hang up my hat labeled “caregiver.” In some ways it feels as if it never happened, those two-and-a-half months of roller-coaster craziness after my dad had his stroke. My brothers feel the same way, like, did that just happen?! Anyway, it’s not a hat I’d care to wear again anytime soon, but I have “broken it in”, so if I ever have to put it on in the future it won’t be so stiff. That said, I hope it gathers a lot of dust :)
This past weekend I got to hang out with a rock star. No really, I did! Brian from Korn (of the backwards “r”) stayed at Mary’s (yes I’m back in NC again) as he was doing a conference with some other speakers at her church. Underneath all the tattoos and dreadlocks is an unpretentious, humble guy who loves Jesus. His testimony is pretty incredible (there are many of those on YouTube). He takes a lot of heat from Christians for going back to the band, but those guys are like family and God told him to. Yesterday after the morning service a big group of us went to Olive Garden. It was fun watching people’s expressions when they saw him. At one point I was walking past a young man and heard him say to someone, “Is he a Christian?!” I turned and said, “Yes, he is!” and smiled. He looked amazed, lol. Of course everyone wanted selfies (today’s version of the autograph) and most of the employees came out with a menu to get signed. He was very gracious. He’s in the middle of a tour, which can be very draining, so if you think of it say a prayer for him. I’m sure he’d appreciate it :)
I’m still working on hanging on the cross, picking it up, or whatever you want to call it (basically dying to self). This morning I awoke at 5:30 and was questioning whether I should do a fast again. When I got up Mary told me she had a dream with me in it and I was all excited…until she told me the dream, lol. Long story short, I got the “rest” word again. I didn’t realize it at the time, but He was answering my question about fasting and the answer was no. Why He chose to give her the dream and not me is a mystery, but as I had forgotten I even asked the question it felt like a rebuke and I took it waaaaay too hard and got down on myself. When am I going to rest in the fact that He loves me, He loves me, He loves me?! Anyway He finally brought it back to my memory that I had asked about fasting (or should I say striving, lol) and that this was the answer. He is sure patient with me :)
Speaking of He loves me, that reminds me of a daisy, and the other day I had a crazy dream. I was at a gathering with a group of women getting ready to do crafts. Abby Abildness was leading it (she has a healing ministry). We were going to make stained glass and I was excited! There was a beautiful beveled glass and crystal one laid out. We gathered around a table (standing, not sitting) and I was surprised to see we were doing the little plastic sun catchers (the ones you paint). I remember being a bit disappointed but thinking oh well, it’s a start. The one I had had a man with a tux on it. I remember thinking I’d paint the lapel a different color.
Anyway I was at one end of the table. The woman across from me said under her breath, “I hate you,” and I was like, “Hey everybody, that lady just said she hates me,” and kept working. Then she said, “I’m going to kill you.” Again I repeated it to the group. Then she came at me and I touched her and put her down on the ground somehow (it wasn’t a struggle) and got back to work. I was one of the last ones done because my sun catcher was intricate. I remember wishing I would have chosen one a little simpler, lol.
I woke up to the first line of “Turn, Turn, Turn,” playing (“To everything, turn turn turn, there is a season, turn turn turn, and a time to every purpose under heaven”). Then I drifted back to sleep and “saw” (more like a vision than a dream) translucent daisies (like the “flower power”) ones being laid in a line and knew they were put there for me. They went across the top of a clear butter dish like the one dad just got and I heard myself wonder if Jesus or angels put them there. At that point I saw the “fingertips” place another and I was overjoyed.
I get to hang onto those dreams and wait in wonder for more revelation. God reveals all things in His time, in His season. Until then I will turn, turn, turn on my bed every night and ask for more dreams and visions! I want more, Lord!