It should come as no surprise that immediately upon leaving the high mountains of North Carolina Sunday I would get a call yesterday that dad showed up at my brother’s because he didn’t know where else to go. I’m learning to say “This is not my problem,” but confess that I didn’t handle it so well at first. There really is no place for anger and if I go down that path it’ll pull a Darth Vader on me. It’s a bottomless rabbit hole and I can’t afford to let myself go there even though I’m tired and it seems like the easy thing to give in to. I cried buckets of tears last night and have had to do a lot of repenting. Right now I’m feeling somewhat numb and wonder if I’ve told myself “Don’t feel” as I’d done most of my life. Dad asked me to pick him up today and take him to the bank, the doctor, and a few other places. It’s an hour and a half just to get to where he is let alone all the running. At some point today I have to tell him I can’t do this again. He is where he is at because of choices he has made (and he’s still making bad ones), but the compassion in me rises up and wants to rescue. Jesus help us.
The Come Away Weekend at Mary’s was incredible. I got there last Tuesday and decided to take a short nap because I’d left early and was pretty tired. A month ago Mary had told me she’d had a dream that I was driving a van and it was broken down along the road. She pulled up behind me and saw that the bench seat was broken and I was trying to replace it with a bench from a furniture store so she told me that I needed to go back to the dealer and get a real one. Well, benches represent rest, and it is so much like me to try to fix things my way. The happy thing about that short nap was I had a dream and in it I was at the dealership, and even in the dream I knew that I had gone there to get a real bench :) So needless to say my level of expectation for the ensuing weekend ratcheted up!
On Wednesday we headed out to do food shopping. It was a long day and we had a lot of stops but we got it done. Some of the ladies had to come in early, and the rest trickled in Thursday through the day. That night I cooked filet mignon and it turned out excellent (hey when you have a good cut of meat it’s hard to mess things up!). I was kept busy until I left on Sunday morning making meals and doing dishes and other things. I also played guitar and led in some songs. At one point Mary asked me to share about living in hope and here I am being challenged again. Anyway, it was interesting to see the transformation in the women (some of whom had never met Mary before) from Thursday night to Saturday night. And yes, Saturday night we had another baptism in her pool and as He promised, Holy Spirit showed up in a big way. That evening at dinner the ladies gave me a card with some money and really blessed me. My plan was to purchase a Zoom recorder, but we’ll see.
The sun will be up soon. I like this time of day, the quiet before everyone starts getting up. Think I’ll go back down in the basement and pray. God already knows what today will look like. I pray He’ll guide me through it and give me the wisdom to maneuver over this rocky terrain and that He will straighten the crooked roads. In the end, I just want to hear “Well done.” The funny thing is that I did hear it at Mary’s. Thursday night she went around and prayed/prophesied over everyone. When she got to me she heard, “Well done,” and so that’s what she told me, following it with that funny laugh that she does, lol. In fact, Sunday before I left she asked what was the highlight of the weekend (and it’s interesting that about three seconds before that I was asking myself that question). I told her it was that, hearing “Well done.” After yesterday and how I handled things (or didn’t handle them) I don’t feel as if that could be said anymore, but God always gives second chances. And thirds, and fourths for that matter. In fact, He never gives up on us, and for that I am eternally grateful. I just realized it was after Jesus was baptized that He immediately was led into the wilderness, so I shouldn’t be surprised at any of this for I, too, was (re)baptized on Saturday night.