Discipleship

I’ve come to really appreciate Oswald Chambers’ “My Utmost For His Highest.” To say that man had insight is an understatement. I appreciated today’s devotional and decided to post an excerpt…

“Discipleship is built entirely on the supernatural grace of God. Walking on the water is easy to impulsive pluck, but walking on dry land as a disciple of Jesus Christ is a different thing. Peter walked on the water to go to Jesus, but he followed Him afar off on the land. We do not need the grace of God to stand crises, human nature and pride are sufficient, we can face the strain magnificently; but it does require the supernatural grace of God to live twenty-four hours in every day as a saint, to go through drudgery as a disciple, to live an ordinary, unobserved, ignored existence as a disciple of Jesus. It is inbred in us that we have to do exceptional things for God; but we have not. We have to be exceptional in the ordinary things, to be holy in mean streets, among mean people, and this is not learned in five minutes.”

Today is just another ordinary day full of ordinary things to do. I shall strive to do them exceptionally.

Flatlined

My blog stats have flatlined for a few days, and that’s okay. Doesn’t mean I should stop writing because no one’s reading what I say, though it does make me reevaluate some things and ask myself (again) why I keep a blog. Why does anyone, for that matter? I suppose there are many answers to that question, though most of the blogs I follow are those of fellow writers. Guess we can’t get enough of getting our words “out there.”

Sometimes I think, gee, if I were a somebody I bet there would be people who’d want to read what I have to say or maybe just want to learn more about me/my work. That kind of thinking is dangerous, though. It’s a slippery slope and I don’t enjoy falling down, so I really don’t want to go there. If anyone relies on a following for validation or their own sense of worth, then they’re in trouble already.

I do find myself wondering if, when my poems are published in Rattle and in The Binnacle, anyone will try to find out more about this particular unconventional poet. Guess I’ll just have to wait and see. And I wonder, too, if (how?) it’ll change/affect me. Probably doesn’t matter, because I’m just a blip on the radar anyway. Still, it does wonder me. Then again, a hundred years from now, what’s it going to matter? :)

I hardly knew him

Mom called tonight and said she had some bad news. My mind went immediately to a beloved aunt who has been having health issues and is in a rehab hospital. But no, it was her son, who passed away today from a heart attack. He was only 56. And I hardly knew him. We didn’t spend much time together growing up, and he stopped coming to family reunions a long time ago. Now he’s gone. They’re not telling his mother right away….

A strange yet wonderful detachment

I imagine some people would say I’m in denial or that I don’t care about what’s going on in the world, for I rarely speak of it, but it’s neither. There was a time when the news would fire me up, sometimes even to action (though looking back, that action wasn’t always good). But for a few years now I have found myself experiencing a strange yet wonderful detachment from what’s been happening around the world, but especially in our nation. I’m seeing a bigger picture of what’s going on, and trust in a sovereign God removes not just any but ALL fear of the future. I don’t have to wonder what’s going to happen because I know. Granted, I may not know specifics, but as events unfold it is strangely fascinating and potentially terrifying (if I focus on the circumstances and the trouble I see on the horizon, that is). In any event, I have found myself becoming more focused on God Himself and on my relationship with Jesus Christ.

I have a confession to make. It wasn’t too long ago that the thought of Christ’s return made me a little nervous. I “shrunk away” from the idea. It’s not that I didn’t want him to come back, but I didn’t have complete assurance of my salvation. There’s a reason the Bible says we should “strive to make your calling and election sure” and as my assurance grows it affects my life in many ways–all of them good. As my relationship with Jesus matures, so does my love for him and my longing to be with him. I can honestly say I am looking forward to his return because I don’t just know I’m a sojourner here, it has become a reality in my life.

That said, there is work to do. I believe each person has a mission in life, but there are two commands of Christ that we should follow: 1) Love God, and 2) love my neighbor. Benjamin Franklin used to start each day with a question, “What good should I do today?” He ended each day with one, too, “What good did I do today?” I believe there are many opportunities to do good, to love our neighbors. We just need to open our eyes and look around.

Time to go to work. So I ask, “What good shall I do today?”

These early starts

I’ve been up since 3-ish. It’s been a busy week already, and you’d think that I’d be able to stay in bed, but I can’t sometimes. When I’m wide awake I’ve learned it’s pointless to try to sleep, so I just get an earlier start than usual to my day. And what a day it’s going to be! I have a ton of work to do at the church, then I’m off to go with a friend to a meet with a counselor, then back to the church to put the supper together for tonight’s missions conference. The rest of the week is going to be busy as well, and on into the weekend. In fact, by Sunday night I think I’ll be about bushed. But oh, I forgot, I have to go to Lancaster County on Monday to meet with the auctioneer and draw up a sale bill. Then there’s choir practice later that day. So my first best chance for rest is next Tuesday. :)

Through all this busy-ness I’m trying to learn what it means to rest in the Lord. I can’t do all this in my own strength, I’d burn out (I’m fighting it already, can you tell?). Perhaps that’s why He woke me up early, to have some quiet time to read and pray and let this busy mind of mine work through some of the things I must get done. I have a lot of apples in my cart right now, and it wouldn’t take much to upset it!

And in the back of this busy mind are two poems that have been brewing for a couple of weeks. I think they’re going to turn out to be sonnets (I seem to be writing a lot of them lately). One has to do with Jesus’ command to so many He healed of “don’t tell anyone”, which always baffled me. The other has to do with Joshua and his meeting with the Angel of the Lord. I would like to think I am finally beginning to be able to write what I’ve been longing to, but I know it’s not going to be easy. I tend to wax preachy and don’t want to do that in these. It’s so often the subtle things in the Bible that can have a great impact on our lives (if we notice them).

Anyway, I must get going. Ready or not, here I come, world!

Searching for that special towel

You know, the one you throw in when you want to give up/cry Uncle/walk away from something painful? Got the news today that another family is going to be leaving our church. I know God’s in control and all that, but I just want it to be over. Can we be there yet?

84 ties

That’s how many of my father-in-law’s neckties I rolled and boxed up today. Why does a man need that many? Well, I guess there’s a female equivalent somewhere. Maybe shoes? At least ties don’t take up a large amount of space!

It was just me working at the house today. My brother-in-law said he was coming but didn’t show, and that’s all right. I’d brought back old letters my in-laws wrote back and forth and have getting to know them both, and even Nana (Mac’s mom), the one to whom many of the letters were written. I think about them a lot when I’m down there by myself, and I don’t mind the solitude. So many times I’ll find and/or move something and think that Mac was the last one to have touched it. Sometimes I even talk to them out loud. No, I don’t feel their presence or anything like that. I’m not sure why I do it, I just do.

Rough and Tumble must have been having their annual shebang today. At noon all of the steam engines blew their whistles, and as Kinzers is only a half mile away (if that), it makes quite a ruckus! Brought back memories. Lots of things brought back memories today, but I won’t bore you with the details. Maybe another time, lol :) Right now I feel like writing, although I’m more tired than inspired at the moment….

There’s something about painting

I really do enjoy painting the house. Well, I guess technically I don’t like the prep work, the cleaning and scraping, but there’s something about painting that I find very relaxing. And I love how clean a fresh coat of white paint makes this tired house appear. I should have started this summer because I’m about out of time for this year, but I think there’s enough time to finish the shed. Got the screened-in porch done, though! What d’ya think?

10.02.09

No, there’s nothing significant about today’s date, I’m just feeling lazy and don’t want to come up with a title for today’s post. In fact, I don’t feel like doing much of anything. Yesterday was a very busy day and included a trip to Kinzers, and I have a lot to do today as well. But I feel like just taking it easy. Yep, you guessed it, my feelings are being naughty again so I have to send them to their room, shut the door, and ignore their tantrums until they learn to behave themselves. I guess the first step would be to get off the computer and get busy with the tasks at hand…~sigh~

Good grief

Not the Charlie Brown kind, either. The kind that comes when you send someone an email and they mistakingly hit reply to instead of forward (thus sending their comments back to you) and you get to know what they really think of you, lol. I can smile about it now, but I shed a lot of tears earlier. There is usually a grain of truth in such revelations. “Stripes that wound scour away evil, and strokes reach the innermost parts.” Prov. 20:30.