I’m packing for a short trip to California (actually I should say a long trip but a short stay), so I’m taking some reading material for the flights and breaking one of my own rules in the process. Usually I don’t start a new book when I’m still reading one or two others (I’m a slow reader), but I’m making an exception this time. I’ve decided to take The Swallow Anthology of New American Poets that I picked up at West Chester a couple of weeks ago. Speaking of which, I blogged about the ratio of men to women and have since been educated…somewhat. It is the norm, around a two-to-one ratio, but I still wonder why so many more men than women write poetry. I find myself wondering what the ratio is in other artistic fields–songwriting, painting, or for that matter dance! Well anyway that’s neither here nor there.

Suffice it to say I am looking forward to reading these “unified sensibilities”, although I note that these poets are described as those “who have read, and who expect their readers also to have read.” Nothing wrong with expecting that, and many (possibly even most) people who read poetry are well read, but many are just ordinary people like me with an average education. Though I’m working to correct my own deficiencies, the work is very slow, and it doesn’t help that I have a slow processor and a full memory. As my father used to say, “When they were handing out brains you thought they said trains so you got a caboose!” :) I wonder sometimes what it must be like to have higher-than-average intelligence and the blessing of an extended education. The former is a gift, the latter a privilege.

I go to the West Chester conference most years and mix and mingle with the who’s who of the poetry world. It feels much like being back stage at a rock concert. So much energy and “oooooh, look, so and so!” That I’m soon to be published in Rattle next to some of them still floors me. I’m still a child in many ways and may be looked down on because of that. That’s okay, because there are always those who find children refreshing! :)

Off to Lancaster County one more time to give the “flyboys” another opportunity to buy some of Mac’s RC airplane stuff (and he still has tons of it, though only a few planes left). I’ll probably work in the house the whole day. There’s still a lot to be done, and I doubt anyone has done much of it. Weary? Yes, but the finish line is in sight….two weeks from now is the auction. I hope that day is as promising weather wise as this one. Nice to see the sun again after so much rain.

Why is it that when you put in a long day at work all you think about is what you want to do when you get home, and then when you get home, you don’t feel like doing anything? A lot of things I could do, a lot of things I SHOULD do, but I am totally unmotivated. I need chocolate.

It’s one of those nights after one of those days and I’m emotionally pretty beat up right now, and part of me wants to spill, but the other part says don’t do it, what you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. Okay, maybe that’s going a bit overboard. And so I shut up, cut the post short and go have a good cry.

There is a quiet place
Far from the rapid pace
Where God can soothe my troubled mind

Time to go find that quiet place…

Kevin and I decided to take a last-minute trip to visit relatives in L.A. Ferne (Kevin’s father’s fiance) and her daughter Tina are at this time in Hawaii on the trip that was supposed to be a honeymoon (Kevin’s father passed away May 29). Kevin and his brothers decided to send Ferne and Tina on the trip anyway, and I think it’ll be good for both of them. On their way back they’re stopping in L.A. to visit relatives, most of whom they’ve never met (and actually all of whom are Kevin’s mother’s). Ferne asked us more than a few times to fly out and join them, and we said no because we didn’t want to go out there unless we could stay for a while. But life is short, and five days with relatives (some of whom we may never see again on this earth because they’re getting up there in years) is better than nothing! So two days before Ferne and Tina left for Hawaii, we booked our own set of flights for L.A. We plan on surprising them at the airport (assuming, of course, that the cat doesn’t get out of the bag somehow!).

The break is well timed. Kevin and I are both weary not just physically but emotionally. Settling an estate is not easy work. There are always the “little foxes which spoil the vines” and I can’t tell you how relieved I’m going to be when all of this is over. Actually I probably have mentioned it more than a few times already, lol. This Saturday we’re headed down again to hold another RC plane auction (there’s still a lot left). The details of a sale for his rock and gem collection have to be worked out, and there have been some issues there which have been rather unfortunate. I have been surprised at how many forms greed can take, the most noticeable in my life has been the “that’s not fair” argument. I’m learning to let go but wish I wasn’t such a slow learner!

Well, I was tempted, but here it is October 31 and I just don’t see how I could possibly do NaNoWriMo again, though I was mighty tempted. Kevin and I are going away for a week soon, and between that and the auction on the 21st, there just isn’t going to be enough time. Maybe next year, if I’m still walking this earth!

Speaking of October 31, it’s trick-or-treat night here in New Bloomfield. I bought five bags of candy, 108 pieces total, and was out in 34 minutes. I can hear the kids still parading up and down the sidewalk, but they’re passing me by (I put a sign on the door that we are out of candy). It amazes me that some parents will take their six-month-old babies out in a stroller and collect candy for them. Then there are the twenty somethings out there collecting, too. So when I run out of candy, I don’t feel bad. There aren’t even 50 children in this town let alone 108! People drive many miles to come here because it’s a pretty generous town. I’m not just quite as generous as I used to be, I guess!

I’ve never really thought about it before, but yesterday I went to West Chester to attend a craft lecture by David Yezzi (which was great, as was the buffet afterward, the fellowship around the table, and the reading later). Anyway, I purchased The Swallow Anthology of New American Poets and noticed later that the ratio of male to female poets in it is 2.5:1 (35 poets – 25 are male, 10 female). So I wondered, are there really that many more male poets than female? While I realize the majority of students who attended his reading probably did so as a requirement for a class they’re taking, I would venture to guess that 90% of those in attendance were young women.

I just found it interesting, that’s all. I think….

I went to PCCA’s coffeehouse tonight. It’s the last one of the year, and a 12-year-old girl sang two songs. Afterwards I asked her for her autograph. It’s the first time anyone did that, and it was cute to hear her sister’s reaction. “You’re famous now?” she asked. Not yet, but she will be someday. Her voice was unique.

Not animals. Not disciples. Poems. It’s been a while since I’ve submitted any, but the last time I did two poems were accepted, so we’ll see what the latest two do for my batting average. I’m sending “The Prayer of an End-User” to First Things again. I submitted it earlier in the year, and despite the fact that I forgot to enclose a SASE, I received an encouraging letter from Paul Lake, Poetry Editor. It was his suggestion to turn the 16 lines of blank verse into a sonnet, and it took a while but I did it (thanks in large part to the invaluable critique at Poet & Critic).

The other was a sonnet that Carol Taylor suggested I send to the Nemerov Contest. Let’s see, there are about 3,000 submissions for that one, and it would be going up against the work of some very talented poets, but nothing ventured, nothing gained, right? It is a good poem and I believe it will find a home somewhere eventually.

I haven’t written in a month. My life has just been way too busy. Lots of things brewing, though. I fully expect to wake up in the middle of the night again soon and crank something out. That’s how the last couple were created. Hope it’s not tonight, though, because I finished painting the shed today and am pretty pooped :)

I suppose in a way this blog is much like a diary, and occasionally I like to post what a day’s been like, so yeah, here was today…

Let’s see…I awoke around 5:00 because I was having a bad dream. All I remember is the end. Kevin and I were in a truck of some kind and we were driving fast on unfamiliar roads through mountains. We came around a corner and there was a cliff. He hit the brakes and turned and, well, we ended up going over the edge backwards. I had the sensation of free falling, and I remember I turned to him and he said he was sorry, and I said it was okay and that I loved him, and then I woke up. Not the best way to start the day. I tried go back to sleep but tossed and turned, finally getting up around 7:00 (Kevin had a late appointment so we had the luxury of a 30 extra minutes in bed). Anyway, I got two loads of wash done, did my proofreading for Perry Printing, relaxed for a few and read my devotions (see earlier post). Then I headed for the church and worked for five hours. I came home around 3:30 and started painting the side of the shed. I thought it would take two hours–it took three, and my right arm feels as if it is about to fall off (not to mention my right hand is cramped up). Just about ran out of light, and it was cooling down fast, but I got it done! A quick change later and I’m heading over to a friend’s house for dinner and then to do some singing and go over some Christmas music we might sing at church. And now I’m back. Busy day, huh? But a good one.

I’ve been in the mood to write, but it seems there’s never a big enough chunk of time. Still, I know when something good presents itself that it won’t matter–I’ll stay up late (or wake up early) when the words finally come. And I’ll welcome them whenever they show up, just glad to be writing again. I’m learning to be patient when it comes to inspiration :) I’m still mulling over a couple of sonnets. One of these days…