Deactivation complete

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I’ve been feeling for a little while now that I should deactivate my Facebook account and have been procrastinating, but over the weekend something tipped the scales (note to self:  next time obey quicker).  So last night I put out an announcement realizing, of course, that not everyone would see it but at least making an attempt at saying goodbye for the summer.  I don’t know that I’ll come back.  Part of me wants to (already) and part of me wonders why I would want to get entangled again.  Well actually I guess I know why–because it’s a connection to people I care about, a way to stay in touch with some (most, actually) I probably would otherwise not hear from.  At least that’s what I tell myself.

I did this once before for a couple of months some years ago.  The withdrawal wasn’t so bad, lol.  I’m trying to remember now what made me do it and imagine the reasons were similar, the biggest being that it is a tremendous time stealer.  Not that it’s all a waste of time, because I don’t believe it is (though it can get–did get–out of balance).  I would often read things and pray for the people who posted them or drop them an encouraging note.  I also found out about events I would not have otherwise known about, though I won’t miss being invited to parties for this, that, and the other thing or being asked to “Like” pages (sometimes the DAY AFTER I got a person’s friend request–soooo, you wanted to be my friend becaaause….  :)  I guess now I’ll have to find out about events the “old-fashioned way”, by email or some type of blast, and if people don’t have my email address to send an invite, well then I guess they really didn’t know me very well did they?  I don’t really expect my inbox to be filling up with people wanting to stay in touch.  We all have our own busy lives and most of our friends are more like acquaintances.  I won’t miss the drama or seeing the pain people inflict on each other just because they can’t help it.  They need Jesus just like I do, they just don’t know it yet.  Perhaps I should have been a better witness….

So by now (a day after the decision) I’ve made progress.  I deleted all my albums today.  We’re talking HUNDREDS of pictures, over SIX YEARS of albums.  That brought some tears at first, but it got easier as it went along.  Would I have had to have done that?  No, but it made it more final.  You can never truly delete your account, FB stores it and if you ever sign in again wah-lah, everything reappears just as you left it.  I wanted this to be real.  So I started with the not-too-personal ones first, old West Chester Poetry Conference albums, weddings and showers and church picnics from years back.  It was interesting how I learned what really mattered to me.  Family events, reunions, my kids‘ wedding pics were almost the last to go.  Almost.  No, it came as a bit of a surprise that I had the hardest time deleting the albums from my three years at Global.  You have to realize it’s not just the pics, it’s the comments that are gone too.  And for someone whose love language is words of affirmation, that was tough.  Funny how in some ways it now feels as if those years never happened….

But I have to chuckle at myself.  Things are as difficult as you make them and in the end, how many of those 763 people were truly my friend?  How many really know me?  How many could I spill my guts to?  And will I miss the taunts of the enemy or the temptations to jealousy or envy as I read other posts or look at pictures?  No, although that was good training.  I’ve fought that all my life, and don’t own it when it comes.  Most times anyway….

So what will I do with all my “extra” time?  Well, I’ll probably blog more.  And hopefully work on videos if I ever get around to actually filming things, lol.  I still get ideas for “recycled pop songs” (the latest being Chicago’s “Dialogue”) and it’s time to get moving on projects.  I actually started writing a poem the other day too and it felt wonderful (though I’m still quite rusty).  I’m thinking, though, that this will help lower the level of “noise” in my brain, and right now quiet is what I need more than anything.  I so desperately want to hear from God.  I still feel as if I’m flying blind through a cloud, staring at the controls because I can’t see a thing outside the windshield.  And perhaps I never will this side of heaven, in which case I plan on becoming quite good at flying by my instruments.

 

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